


Laughter

by Pinkfxy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ereri Week, Happy Ending, I'm really proud of this one okay, Laughter, M/M, Sad, kissing ensues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:35:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1600115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinkfxy/pseuds/Pinkfxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>9 years old. My mother died...</p><p>...I haven't laughed since then</p><p>Levi's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laughter

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! You can find me on tumblr, my username is, theheichouwesawthatday :)

9 years old. My mother died. My father never told me how. All my grandfather said to me regarding her death was, it was tragic and to never be spoken of again. On days when my father came home late from the bar, drunk as usual, he would run his mouth at me in between his sips of the beer he brought home. Usually it was nonsense that came out of his mouth, but on occasion he would speak of mother. Insults were more common than not. Whore, good for nothing, useless, were some of the words that would fall from his lips.

By age 13, the days my father would return home were a special occasion. The insults turned from my mother to me. I got used to them, faggot and dumb piece of shit became more commonly used than my own name. I started skipping school on days where my father was too far hungover to notice. I began to smile less. The insults I once brushed off began to wear on me. My friends kept me sane until they left me for the upperclassmen.

Age 16. On one special night, my father was close to death from the amount of alcohol he consumed. I stood next to him thinking this was going to be the last night with him before he would die from his addiction. The words that flowed out of his mouth were the usual. I tuned them out as I sat down across from him. Hours ticked by until my father spoke something he’s never said before, snapping me back into reality. “Your mother, you know she killed herself. Hah she deserved that ending, that little bitch.” The profanities were nothing but normal to hear, but this was the first time he ever brought up her death. “She-” He paused to almost cough to his death before continuing. “She couldn’t stand living a life with you, you know? I didn't think she would do it but damn, she actually went and did it. I wonder what her last thoughts were that pushed her over the edge? Maybe by how disgusting you were, how-” My father continued his normal cursing until he slipped into a long sleep. I ran upstairs and locked my door.

I wasn’t seen in school for weeks at a time. My expression became a permanent blank stare. I had no friends anymore. My father had no recollection of that night.

My mother was kind. Her smile would brighten up the room. Her laugh though.. Her laugh would fill you up with a warm feeling like nothing else in this world. She never tried to hide it or use it to her advantage. It was alway genuine. I missed it. I miss trying to make up jokes or tell funny stories just so I could hear it again and laugh with her. But those days are gone. The days where her laugh would cheer me up after a failed test, all vanished.

If she was like that with me until the day she died, all bright smiles and warm laughter, then why would she kill herself because of me? I lived my life in denial, saying it was only the alcohol speaking, willing myself to believe it was only that..wishing..hoping..

I haven’t laughed since then.

Age 17, What if I wasn’t here anymore. What if I was..gone. My birthday came and went with me sitting on the couch, my cheeks wet with tears. I remembered my mother coming out of the kitchen with a birthday cake she baked herself. “Happy birthday Levi” she sung to me when I turned six. Why did I have to remember this, I thought to myself as tears streamed down my face silently. I haven’t seen my father in 9 days. The only gift I got was my teachers giving me an extra day to finish my homework, their faces full of sympathy as they told me the news.

Age 18. I had applied for college and started moving months before. I didn’t know what major to pick so I chose business, hoping to be able to provide for myself somehow. I moved far away, as far as I could get from my home. I took everything I owned and made no plans on coming back. 

I knew no one. I saw people everywhere, smiles on their face, parents by their side. Mothers crying as they said goodbye to their child. I turned away and locked myself in my single dorm, sitting on a chair I faced away from the curtain closed window. Hours passed by as I did nothing but stare at a wall, willing myself to just forget everything I knew about my past, about people, about family. When it got dark, I switched to my bed, sleeping off the memories of my childhood.

I passed my classes by the time summer came around. All the dorms were emptied as everybody left to go home for vacation. Nobody called me the whole time. I didn’t have any friends, and my father hasn’t talked with me since before I left for college. Sitting in my chair became a regular thing for me. Leaving only to buy food was my only activity as I was alone on campus.

Age 19. The quad I could see out my usually closed window was filled with the freshman. I stepped outside with the intent of buying food as I almost collided with a new student moving in his boxes.

“I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” He said setting down his boxes. I gave him a slight nod, then proceeded to walk around him. “I’m Eren!” He shouted out at me. I turned around at that, giving him a good look. He was no doubt taller than me with brown hair getting in his eyes when the wind blew. His smile made him look like a dork, but his eyes were warm. Nobody has looked at me like that since my mother did, ten years ago. “Could you uh, would you mind helping me with these boxes? I kinda packed a lot and my parents have to drive home soon.” He asked me.

“Sure” I managed to say back. As I picked up his boxes, I realised thats the first time I’ve talked to someone in years, aside from answering questions in class.

Eren continued to talk with me, asking for my name and where I lived. I answered him back with as few words as I could. When we finished moving Eren in, his parents each hugged him goodbye, his mother kissing his forehead, and thanked me for all my help. I had to look away before I started remembering both my parents. The boy shook my hand to give me a proper greeting before I started walking back home.

“See you around, Levi!” Eren yelled out the hallway to me, his face beaming with a smile. I raised my hand in a half wave before stuffing both my hands in my pockets.

I fell asleep to the sound of Eren’s voice in my head, his smile flashing before my eyes in my sleep.

A week later I saw him again. I was walking home from class, staring down at the ground to reduce interactions with anybody, as he called out my name. My face shot up as my name was called by Eren. He asked me if I wanted to grab some food with him and hang out at his place. I didn’t want to be rude, so I answered yes to him.

The chinese was good, the movie was ridiculous. We both ignored it as Eren began to ask me more questions. What my major was, what I did on the weekends, which I replied with “Business” and “Nothing”. Eren laughed. I almost choked on my fried rice. His laugh sounded like my mother’s. My eyes went wide when I felt a familiar warm feeling inside of me that only my mother could give me. Eren didn’t notice and started talking again as if I was perfectly fine. I heard him laugh again a few minutes later.

“Levi, are you okay?” He spoke in a concerned voice. I didn’t know when it started, but I felt a familiar wetness on my face. I couldn’t speak. I stood up quickly, Eren standing too as I did.

“Sorry” I quickly said as I went for the door. I felt his hand on my wrist pulling me back.

“I’m sorry Levi if it was from anything I said! Just, are you really okay?” Eren sounded as if he had just kicked a puppy. I felt my heart skip a beat as I stared up at his eyes. Just like mother’s, I thought before quickly answering “Yes” and tried to pull away. I was yanked back by Eren’s hand once again before coming face to face with him just like before. “No, Levi, really, tell me what’s wrong.” He spoke in a hushed tone, his eyes searching mine. I didn’t respond. He let my arm go and stood in the same spot, watching me as I left his dorm.

The week went by quickly. Every night I layed in bed, replaying his laugh in my head.

I saw Eren again, the same place as last week. I quickly turned around, suddenly embarrassed about what happened the week before, until Eren called out to me just like last time. We ate chinese food again since “Its all I can afford right now” Eren had said. We walked silently back to his dorm. He turned on some TV show that was soon forgotten again as he started a conversation with me. Everything was good. I felt..content being here with Eren. His warm eyes made me feel calm, the numbness from years of isolating myself slowly melting away. He laughed again as he tried telling a funny story. My heart started pounding in my chest; I could feel it all the way up into my ears. Memories I suppressed were flooding my head. Mother...Do you really hate me..

“Levi..Levi..!” Eren’s voice snapping me out of my daze. “Are you okay? Answer me this time!” His face was inches from mine. He was kneeling in front of me, hands on my forearms.

“Y-ya” I managed to croak out.

“No your not Levi, you’re crying again! Why can’t you tell me what’s wrong?” He looked so desperate, to the point of begging me to tell him. I shook my head no. I went to stand up and leave before being pulled down by Eren’s arms. My eyes were wide as I replied.

“I can’t” I whispered. Those words didn’t need to be spoken louder.

“Levi I’m not letting you leave until you tell me what’s wrong!” Eren pleaded. I took a deep breath.

I told him that my mother died and my father became an alcoholic. How he would curse me more times than not, then proceeded to tell me while he was drunk that my mother killed herself because of me. Eren went silent. I got up without any hands pulling me back, and left.

I heard a knock on my door at 11pm. I got up from my chair and opened it. Eren was standing there in his pajamas, a tired look on his face.

“What did I say to make you remember that.” I stepped back from the door and let Eren walk inside, shutting the door after him.

“It wasn’t what you said.” I walked back to my chair and sat down, facing Eren. He sat cross legged in front of me.

“Then if it wasn’t something I said, what was it-”

“Your laugh.” I could tell by his surprised face that he wasn’t expecting that.

“..I’m sorry”

“About what?”

“For my laugh causing you to remember things you didn’t want to.”

“It’s fine.”

We sat there, looking at the ground from a long time. There wasn’t anything else to be said. Eren’s company was nice though compared to sitting alone.

“Why do you have a chair sitting in the middle of the room?” He finally asked. There was a long silence. We both started at each other, Eren waiting patiently for a reply.

“Theres nothing else to do.” He kept staring at me as I stared back. He was waiting for me to finish, but that was all there was to it. “I don’t have friends. Lost them all years ago.” Our eyes were still glued to each other’s. “I don’t blame them..I don't remember the last time I smile..the last time I laughed.” I spoke barely in a whisper. “My mother would laugh all the time. It was warm..just like...yours.” Eren opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again.

“I don’t think..no..Levi, your mother didn’t hate you. She didn’t kill herself because of you.”

“Yes she did-”

“No, Levi..she didn’t. After all these years..Was there any reason you could think of that would make you believe she hated you?” His voice was soft, soothing. I didn’t say anything back. “No, there isn’t any is there? I..I don’t know how she died but, I know that it wasn’t because of you.” All I could do was stare at him, my eyes almost..in awe. The way he spoke to me made me start believing him. Eren stood up and walked towards the door. He stood there for awhile before slowly opening up my door. “Goodnight Levi.” He spoke in a hushed tone before walking out. I felt my heart sink. That’s never happened to me before, at least, not for ten years. I..missed Eren being here. I got up from my chair and quietly opened my door to see Eren at the end of the hall, waiting for the elevator to come.

“Eren.” I finally said. His head whipped around at my voice. “I..” I began but I didn’t know what to say. I was left there standing awkwardly outside my door as Eren started slowly walking back towards me.

“Ya?” He spoke softly as he stood in front of me. I stared up at him before taking a shallow breath.

“Thanks” He smiled at my reply. None of us moved, none of us looked away. I didn’t want Eren to leave. His fingers brushed against mine, one of his fingers hooking onto one of mine. “I...I..” I tried to begin until Eren took a smaller step forward. He rested his head on top of mine as his other hand brushed against my other. It felt..right. We stayed like that for a long time. I closed my eyes, letting my mind become filled with nothing. Everything felt right, relaxed, calm. Our hands started to intertwine, one after the other. It felt as if I was in a dream.

“It’s okay” He breathed into my hair.

“Mmm” I hummed back against his chest. A noise of someone opening and closing their door broke us out of our own reality.

“I should..probably get back to my dorm..” He moved back, looking down at my eyes. I nodded at him and slowly, our hands broke apart. “Goodnight Levi” He said for the second time this night.

“Goodnight Eren” I softly smiled at him. He started to walk away as I called out to him. “Eren,” He turned around just like before. “Don’t..don’t stop laughing..” I trailed off. He smiled warmly at me.

“I won’t” He waved back to me before turning to get on the elevator. I walked back into my dorm and laid down on my bed. That was the first time I smiled since then, I thought to myself before I closed my eyes and slept soundly.

I woke up to the sunlight peeking through my covered window. I stood up and walked over to the window, and opened the curtains. It was sunny today. I turned back around and picked up my chair, setting it down to face the open window.

I walked outside, no particular goal in mind but to just stand in the sunlight. I walked in the quad for the first time. I saw Eren sitting out in the sun, reading a book I guessed was for school. He glanced up at me as I passed and asked me to sit down. We didn’t talk much for the hours we sat in the grass. It was nice though, him reading his book, me lying down in the warm heat. Neither of us had classes today. I knew Eren was done reading when he started talking about something he had done the summer before college. He laughed again. His eyes shot up to mine to make sure I was okay.

“I’m okay now” I said giving him a small smile. He smiled back before he continued to talk. The sun got hotter as the day went on. Our hands moved on their own until our fingertips were brushing against each other’s. Eren asked if I would go grab some lunch together with him. The blush on his face was obvious. I said yes. As I stood up, I tried to remove my hand from Eren’s, but as he stood up, he reached out to clasp our hands back together.

We walked hand in hand to a nearby place that wasn’t chinese this time. Eren did most of the talking and I smiled a few times in return. We spent the rest of the day together until I told him I should head back to my dorm. When we got back to my dorm, we both stood awkwardly in front of my door. I found myself wishing Eren didn’t have to leave yet. It was already late though. I didn’t know what to say, so I stayed quiet. Eren started rambling as he tried to find the right words to say. I found myself doing something that I thought I forgot how to do. I started to laugh. We both stood in silence, staring at each other.

“Levi..” He breathed out. I didn’t move. He moved to my ear. “Hey..Levi..” he whispered. “Your crying again” He gave a sort of half laugh as he cradled my head in his hand.

“Ya” I managed to get out before he pulled me into a tight hug. I moved my hands to his back. Both of us stayed put, just like the previous night. Eren quickly broke from the hug as he held my head in both of his hands, his face just inches apart from mine. My eyes showed how startled I was.

“Levi...dont stop laughing” He smiled at me, insinuating at what I told him to do last night.

“Okay” I said breathily. Eren didn’t move, both of our eyes staring into each other’s. His face got closer..and closer..until his lips were brushing mine. We closed our eyes at the same time as we kissed. It was slow because it could be, making it last as long as we could. His lips were soft against mine, our mouths moving to the same rhythm. It was good..very good..amazing. As we pulled apart, our forehead’s leaned against one another’s. I moved my head up to look into his eyes. “Goodnight Eren” I smiled up at him.

“Night Levi” He brushed his thumb on my cheek before moving his hands down. He walked away from me, down the hall, and left through the elevator. I walked into my room and sat down on my chair that was lit up by moonlight. I looked up at nothing, smiling to myself, giving a small laugh.

Age 21. I graduated college with friends by my side, and a boyfriend in the bleachers. I got a house nearby the campus to be near Eren. I’m happy. I smile more times than not. Thanks to Eren...I laughed again. And I do so again, and again, with my heart warm once again, just like 12 years ago, with my mother.


End file.
